


Crazy Little Thing Called Love

by shrek



Category: Doctor Who (2005), Insane Clown Posse, McDonaldland, Sherlock (TV), Supernatural RPF, Superwholock - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Time Travel, BAMF Jared Padalecki, Bottom Jared, Clown fetish, Flatulent Jared, Jared Padalecki - Freeform, M/M, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-07
Updated: 2015-02-07
Packaged: 2018-03-10 22:01:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3304946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shrek/pseuds/shrek
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jared Padalecki wakes up in an alternate timeline and helps to found the McDonald's company. He makes some friends along the way. A heart-warming tale.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Crazy Little Thing Called Love

          "Darn, no signal!" Jared Padalecki yelled as he checked his iPhone for updates on US Airways plane ticket prices. He angrily threw his phone across the room and got out of bed. 

Jared went over and picked up his phone. He spoke to it, "I'm sorry, baby. Look, it's not you I was angry with. It's those damn airlines!!! I hate flying!" He gently caressed his phone, screen somehow uncracked, and gave it a small peck before placing it in his pocket. Jared had slept in his clothes from the day before, so he was still wearing his jeans & t-shirt. His hair was messy. Instead of grooming himself, however, he just sprayed hairspray on his messy head. It was Friday. He couldn't believe it, but he had some lipstick  in his pocket. He smeared it all over his lips. "Yesterday I felt so old I thought that I could die," Jared started to sing to himself. "Today I am Robert Smith from The Cure. It's Friday, and I'm in love..." Jared grinned, teeth looking whiter than ever in contrast against his bright red lips. 

As Jared stared at himself in the mirror more and more, he started imagining himself as a clown. Extremely turned on by this (and semi-hard), Jared got out his lipstick and white foundation and made himself up to look like a clown. He put red lipstick all over his nose, smeared his lips a little more, and drew 1 manly clown tear streaming down from his eye just for dramatic effect. He winked and blew a kiss to himself in the mirror and walked out of the room. 

Jared ate a chilli cheese dog before he left the house that afternoon. He would be extremely flatulent for the rest of the day. Jared loved the scent of his own farts; he couldn't deny it made him horny as hell. Jared loved the thrill of feeling like he shit his pants, only not having to clean up a mess. Upon stepping outside  his home, he realized the world looked different. Everything looked old. He picked up a newspaper. The year was 1948! Jared dropped the newspaper and screamed a high-pitched scream. He wet his pants. "Well, I have to get new clothes anyway. I've obviously slipped into some kind of temporal time alternate timeline shift!! What the hell is going on!!"  Jared's face turned tomato red underneath his pale white clown makeup as he realized everyone in the vicinity was staring at him. "They're looking at me like I'm some kind of freak!" he screamed aloud and ran away into an alley. 

From the alley, Jared could see two olden-time police officers carrying batons, trying to look for Jared. Jared hid in some garbage in the alley. No one could tell the difference between Jared and the other trash. Jared felt safe and secure there; but he knew he had to find a way back to 2015. He reluctantly left the trash heap in the alley. 

Jared entered a clothing shop. What the hell?! No Flannel shirts!!!!! Jared screamed and left the building. 

"What would Sam do........." Jared pondered to himself. As he pondered, he wasn't paying attention to where he was walking. He bumped into a man, causing this man to drop everything he was holding. Jared immediately bent down to help the man pick up his things. "Gee, I'm really sorry. It's just been a really weird day." Jared said as he helped the man stuff papers back into his briefcase. 

"Why does it smell like pee over here" the man asked.

Jared made a :3 face and giggled cheekily. "Well..." he started, but then stopped as he looked into the other man's eyes. He blinked a few times in disbelief at this man's beauty. "My... my name's Jared." Jared said with a flirty smile. 

"Ronald. Ronald McDonald. Now hurry up and get out of my way!! You've inconvenienced me greatly! I'm on my way to a gravely important meeting. I'm trying to get my new business approved, you know!" Ronald responded.

"Wait, let me come with you! I'll explain what happened, and everything will be alright. I'm sure they'll understand, if I just explain!" Jared said. 

Ronald eyed Jared up and down as he contemplated his answer. "Well..." he said as he decided, "Alright. I suppose it won't hurt if you come along. Well don't just stand there! Let's go. C'mon I've got big business to take care of don't dilly-dally!" 

By the time Ronald McDonald finished his sentence, Jared had already progressed several steps ahead on the sidewalk. "You coming?" Jared said seductively as he looked back at Ronald. Ronald rolled his eyes. 

"Um you're going the wrong way? Dumbass!" Ronald McDonald yelled at Jared Padalecki. With a confused facial expression, Jared walked back towards the clown. 

"The wrong way? You mean to tell me you were going the wrong way when you bumped into me?" Jared asked.

"Alright, so you were going the right way! I just didn't want you to take the lead." Ronald admitted. Jared smirked.

\------------------------

Upon arriving at city hall, Ronald rushed into the meeting room at warp speed. Jared tried to keep up, but a moose can only go so fast. 

"Ronald McDonald, right? Mr. McDonald, you're late! I'm afraid this meeting will have to be postponed....." an old white man in a suit started, until Jared interrupted him. 

"Now hold on just a diddly-darn minute!!!!! I'm JARED PADALECKI! Don't you know who I am? I suppose you don't, since it's 1948. Well go forward in time to 2015 and I'm ALL OVER THE PLACE, sweetheart. I'm practically an A-list star!" Jared bragged. "Anyway, there's a good reason why Mr. Ronald McDonald here is late!" Jared continued to explain the events that had occurred earlier that day. The panel of old white men patiently listened. Jared enjoyed seeing all these white men. Part of him wanted to remain in 1948 forever, so that he would never have to live in a time where women have more rights. Jared thought women were so stupid and could not possibly make any reasonable decisions. Old white men were Jared's favorite type of human. He smirked to himself and then farted in pleasure. He didn't even need to eat a chili cheese dog to exude this gas. 

"WELL," one rather large old white man on the panel began, "I suppose we must consider what you have to say. We'll take a 20 minute recess and decide whether or not to continue with Mr. Ronald McDonald's application to start his business." He hit his wooden mallet on his desk three times and the meeting was adjourned. 

 


End file.
